File 7

Every time I see this quote, I laugh from a good place because from my perspective it’s true. There is always that twinge of excitement when you meet someone new and there is possibility there. It’s hard to keep that excitement to yourself, if you have awesome friends like me. They understand when you spill the goods about a new possible Bae and they give encouragement when you have that “Never mind” moment. Dating these days, is a game of chess. Sometimes I’m good with my bluff and sometimes I get checked, its risky business.

As far as purity goes, one thing that I often struggle with, is when to reveal that I am saving myself. When do you share this information? I typically get a feel for what type of man I’m dealing with before I share this information. In my experience men that do not have serious intentions with you, will reveal that information very fast through their actions. I like to share this information in the beginning when a good opportunity presents itself. Most of the time doing this results in me getting my feelings hurt because I had the audacity to hope for the best. This process is tiring but I guess, it’s just a part of the game. Sex must be a hell of a drug.

The dating game has disappointed me lately and I feel like I have taken major L’s, lol. I believe that I am a good natured person, I love to laugh at life and learn from my experiences. So after a few days, I am able to laugh at the antics of my dating adventures and press forward. This shows growth for me because in the past I would normally sulk and ask, well what is wrong with me? The answer is not a damn thing! I/you are attempting to do something that is against the norm, it is something that sets us apart. Not a lot of people can handle that or are willing to see if they can handle it. I would have a lot more respect for some of the men that I have interacted with, if they were just honest with me. Just tell me that this is not something that you can do, instead of wasting my time. One of my biggest pet peeves is when my time is wasted because I am up front from the jump. In fact, it has been a constant struggle not to let experiences were my time has been incredibly wasted to make me bitter. I pray to not let these experiences harden me.

I have come to an understanding that I may not be every ones cup of tea and that is fine. This whole experience continues to teach me how to be patient and how to love myself. When I say, everything that I have prayed for in a mate, will be worth the wait, I believe that whole heartedly. Waiting is not easy and at times, I have to ask myself is this worth it or is this what I really want. As many times as I have wanted to quit and give in, waiting seems to keep winning in the end. I feel like I say this so much, that I am creating a fairytale, lol.

Another prevalent thought that I have about dating while saved and single (insert sarcasm here), is that I have noticed that when some men find out that I am saving myself and I show interest in them, they think I see them as Husband material. I have had a few situations that support this theory, insert eye roll here! I love that level of confidence but please slow your roll! There is still a process of getting to know a person before you make those assumptions. An interest or a crush on you, is just that. If I have had the patience to wait this long, please believe that I am not going jump the gun with just anybody. I haven’t been in the dating game for a long time, so I am positive that I still have some things to learn. BUT, I am pretty sure it doesn’t go, girl admits she saving herself for marriage, you are the husband, and we live happily ever after. Not a chance! There is still a standard that has to be met for both participating parties. Just get over yourselfJ

Through all the mishaps and learning experiences, I am still optimistic and enjoying my singleness. Even though we may get tired of being single, we must understand that it is not a punishment but rather a time to enjoy ourselves. There will be times throughout this journey where I/you may feel lonely or have a few off days. My advice for those times is to increase your amount of “self-care” activities. I will include some ideas below. Self-care is the best care! Yes, I did write this long post just to boost my favorite mantra: Treat yo self! If you don’t who will?

Self Care

If you would like to contribute in any way to The Attendre Files please send all stories, thoughts, or questions to ssmarie1920@gmail.com.

Treat Yo Self and when Bae comes, it’ll just be double the treating for you bothJ

-Attendre

File 6

If I am honest with myself there are times when I am perfectly happy with being single. I enjoy spending time with myself and being able to get up and do whatever I want. To me, this is the easy part of being single. I remember someone telling me that you have to know how to be alone before you can be with someone else. I agree to an extent. The hard part about being single is when those spurts of loneliness start to creep up on you. This is where we must be careful as singles because it opens up a gateway to possibly make some questionable choices. So please be careful when dating and your loneliness is at an all-time high. It’s a disaster waiting to happen, tread lightly.

Being lonely and on the prowl (LOL), has caused me so much trouble but let’s not harbor on times of darkness. I know I’m not the only one that has been there, let’s be honest. We must remember Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” The number one advice that women in successful relationships tell me, is that they were not looking for their mate, he came on his own. This is in no way me, advising anyone not to shoot their shot because you only live once. Between you and me, I’m gonna keep shooting mine too! I keep missing though,lol.

Which leads me to dating while single and saved.

I agree it is a test of faith because it makes the eligible men/women slimmer. Then you add other factors and it at times, just makes you cringe. I have found myself interested in some very eligible men but then I notice things that make my intuition and discernment go off the radar. Then it’s back to square one and a repeat of the cycle. My honest advice is to keep the faith, guard your heart and if something seems off, follow your gut. 

You don't want to give anyone that undermines your values a chance at your heart. During this journey of purity I have had times where failed relationships have made me resentful of saving myself. I had to evaluate why I was doing this and why it means so much to me. Being careful in who I give my attention to or who I allow to show me attention, has been something that I am very intentional with now. When I tell you that my block game is strong, it is. I will block you through every outlet that I know how and that's not me being mean or petty, its me protecting Shatia. At the end of the day, if someone doesn't show that they see your worth or that they value your time, its deuces!

My Pastor gave a great sermon on Sunday, that I believe pertains to this file. The scripture was Matthew 7:6, "Don't waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don't throw your pearls to pigs. They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you. (NIV)" 

You are a child of God and that means you are set apart from unholy things and people. Thinking about this scripture in terms of purity, singleness, and dating means you have something special that you should share with the right person. In such a sexual world, its hard for some people to understand and respect this. This goes for unsaved and saved people as well because if we are being honest there are some saved folks who have a whole lot of hell in them. Don't sacrifice yourself and the love you have to give for the wrong person.

If you would like to contribute to the Attendre files please send all thoughts and words to ssmarie1920@gmail.com. 

Don't throw those pearls to the wrong person, clutch em girl!

-Attendre